Approach Anxiety: Stop Tripping Over Yourself

I heard the term AA twice in the last week and thought,  what on earth is AA?

I don’t mean to sound arrogant at all here. But really. Approach Anxiety? hahahah… I think I am going to coin this term!

Deluding Reality With Imaginary Barriers

In my mind, Approach Anxiety is completely and absolutley insane. It has been focused on and glorified (feared?) in the “community” ever since the dawn of time. The fact that we call it AA and think about it means that it exists.  When I heard this the other day for the first time in about 2 years my mind went “What… is … that… how… wieird?” then I thought “Oh yeah! That’s right… I used to think like this.”

hiding behind a tree
Approach anxiety is in your head, but it can still feel real enough to hide from it

So by talking/thinking about it, it actually means it exists. And as far as i am concerned will end after this discussion… no more talk on it. Gone. Non-existent in my world. I know what your thinking… Ok, so now what, how am I supposed to think this way and what if I do feel anxiety when I approach women?

Value, The Fuel That Feeds Anxiety

Let me indulge you for a second…

It’s all about the value you attribute to things, objects and stuff in your own mind.

Like for me I look at a random object, let’s say a tree. Now when I look at this tree I can go “Hmm ok, a tree – whatever”. A tree has certain given values that my brain puts on it. First I name it TREE and within that name it has certain properties like leaves, blows in breeze, nice to sit under, is part of nature, etc list goes on.

tree in Cambodia
Sometimes a tree is just a tree unless you put value on it

But the main question is, how much value does a tree have to my identity?

The answer – Zero!

It is what it is and that’s simply a tree.

Now what if I take the same tree… and put massive value on it (if you didn’t know – if there was no trees there would be no oxygen and therefore no YOU). So now the tree (in my mind) becomes the most deluxe and important  super rad thing in existence. Go outside or look out the window and focus on one tree. Feel that this tree is the most coolest thing on the planet right now and is responsible for your very existence. Look at this tree, and let it make you laugh, give it a name.

So this tree is now has value huh.

Don’t Give Someone You Don’t Know Any Value

Now lets flip it and look at a hot girl. What your brain is doing is automatically throwing values on her. She is hot. I need hot. My life would be better and more exciting with her. It’s so valuable she looks so good… etc list goes on.

If you could look at the girl and instead of putting all this MASSIVE VALUE on her immediately and just see her for what she is: just some girl, then you are well on your way to getting rid of any anxiety. Just LOOK at her, without letting your mind run wild. Observe what your mind is doing – listing values (ones that are likely false) about her and getting you all worked up!


attractive young lady
As intimidating as beauty can be, it is value that adds fear to your mind

Think… damn… my pimp deluxe fly-TREE is cooler than this CHICK, this may sound funny but its true. The point is to stop putting massive value on some random girl automatically. We are conditioned to do this by the way and that’s why you need to watch your mind and observe it. Slap it on the wrist if you have to. Don’t let it put the value on.

When you see the hot girl… pretend you are just looking at a mere tree… who cares anyway.

You CAN control your mind and stop putting massive value on a girl, particularly one you’ve just met and know nothing about.

It’s all in the mind, honest!

About the author

I realized no one is covering the 'first move' in a relationship so I decided to start a blog that focused on the first year of living together as a couple.